Training Up A Child

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On Sunday, we looked at Ephesians 6:4, which instructs fathers not to “exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

Jim quoted the following definition from Andrew Lincoln in the Word Biblical Commentary, Ephesians on exasperating a child:

This involves avoiding attitudes, words, and actions which would drive a child to angry exasperation or resentment and thus rules out severe discipline, unreasonably harsh demands, abuse of authority, arbitrariness, unfairness, constant nagging and condemnation, subjecting a child to humiliation, and all forms of gross insensitivity to a child’s needs and sensibilities.

If that is a great summary of what not to do, I have included an additional resource on advice from the Bible on what to do when training and instructing children that Jim prepared for the sermon entitled, “Character Education,” which he gave on July 11, 2010 as part of our series on Proverbs — “Navigate Life.”

Character Education Notes

All is well,

Lisa

Prayer Guide For Children

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As I mentioned in the service this morning, I was given a copy of the March/April 2012 edition of PrayerConnect magazine this week.  Inside was the article, “31 Ways to Pray for Your Teen” that I thought would be really helpful for parents.

Although this is specifically aimed at teenagers, parents can easily adapt this guide when praying for their child(ren), regardless of their ages.

Prayer Article, Part 1

Prayer Article, Part 2

Blessings,

Jim

 

 

Happy Mother’s Day

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Never could it be possible for any man to estimate what he owes to a godly mother. Certainly I have not the powers of speech with which to set forth my valuation of the choice blessing which the Lord bestowed upon me in making me the son of one who prayed for me, and prayed with me.

–C.H. Spurgeon (1834-1892), pastor of Metropolitan Tabernacle in London

Mount Rushmore and Mothering

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This week I was thinking about my role as a mother with Mother’s Day approaching on Sunday.  In the midst of bickering children and piles of laundry, God reminded me of a passage from Jim’s book, The Gift of Church:

Is there a more inefficient job in all the world than being a mother?  The return on investment is often painfully low.  Day after day, sweeping the same floors, reading the same books, and probing for information about how school went in an attempt to raise godly, mature, successful children can seem as efficient as carving Mount Rushmore with a toothpick.  If we were to judge simply by outward appearances, it would seem that camp directors are much more effective at transforming the lives of children and youth than mothers.  Many are the stories of children who show up to camp frightened and uninterested, only to leave a week or two later with new friends and new ambitions — often professing a life-changing experience at camp.  Perhaps we should consider a massive layoff of mothers and just send our kids to camp.

Before you take me seriously, let’s admit that in some ways the mothering process is, indeed, terribly ‘inefficient’ if we are simply looking for quick results.  But it is precisely because the process is slow and lengthy that real change occurs.  Camp has its place — that one-week, mountain-top experience that is part of longer-term transformation — but it isn’t the model for raising children.  Character is developed and lives are molded and shaped by the ‘slow and steady’ progress of nurturing that occurs day in and day out.  This is what gives motherhood (and parenting in general) the power to bring about authentic change that leads to maturity.

The same is true of church.

So, Moms, if you feel like you are carving Mount Rushmore with a toothpick this week (such a painfully accurate metaphor for mothering young children especially), be encouraged that your Christ-life attitudes and actions are molding your children’s character for eternity.  And, maybe a little of your own character in the process too.

All is well,

Lisa

 

Verses on Work

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Sunday’s sermon, “Work,” from our Life Together series looked at God’s instructions for godly behavior at the workplace and in school from Ephesians 6:5-9.

As you are reflecting on the sermon from Sunday and what God may be asking you to do, consider some of the verses from Proverbs related to work.

Proverbs on Work:

  • Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest. (Proverbs 6:6-8)
  • Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth.  He who gathers crops in summer is a wise son, but he who sleeps during harvest is a disgraceful son. (Proverbs 10:4-5)
  • He who works his land will have abundant food, but he who chases fantasies lacks judgment. (Proverbs 12:11; also Proverbs 28:19)
  • From the fruit of his lips a man is filled with good things as surely as the work of his hands rewards him. (Proverbs 12:14)
  • Diligent hands will rule, but laziness ends in slave labor. (Proverbs 12:24)
  • Wealth obtained by fraud dwindles, but the one who gathers by labor increases it. (Proverbs 13:11) NASB
  • All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty. (Proverbs 14:23)
  • The laborer’s appetite works for him; his hunger drives him on. (Proverbs 16:26)
  • Laziness casts into a deep sleep, and an idle man will suffer hunger. (Proverbs 19:15)  NASB
  • A sluggard does not plough in season; so at harvest time he looks but finds nothing. (Proverbs 20:4)
  • The sluggard’s craving will be the death of him, because his hands refuse to work. (Proverbs 21:25)
  • Do you see a man skillful in his work? He will serve before kings; he will not serve before obscure men. (Proverbs 22:29)
  • I went past the field of the sluggard, past the vineyard of the man who lacks judgment; thorns had come up everywhere, the ground was covered with weeds, and the stone wall was in ruins. I applied my heart to what I observed and learned a lesson from what I saw: A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest— and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man. (Proverbs 24:30-34)
  • The sluggard buries his hand in the dish; he is too lazy to bring it back to his mouth. The sluggard is wiser in his own eyes than seven men who answer discreetly. (Proverbs 26:15-16)
  • She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.  She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. (Proverbs 31:13-16)
  • Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. (Proverbs 31:31)

 All the verses are from the NIV unless otherwise indicated.

Lead Me

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The Christian group, Sanctus Real, has a song entitled “Lead Me,” that reflects some of the ideas from our mini-series on marriage.  The song, written from a husband’s perspective, is his realization that his wife and children need him to be the spiritual leader in the home, and his response to that request.

You can watch it here or simply read the lyrics below.

Lead Me

I look around and see my wonderful life

Almost perfect from the outside

In picture frames, I see my beautiful wife

Always smiling, but on the inside

Oh, I can hear her saying

 

Lead me with strong hands

Stand up when I can’t

Don’t leave me hungry for love

Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you’re willing to fight

That I’m still the love of your life

I know we call this our home but I still feel alone

 

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes

They’re just children

From the outside I’m working hard,

I tell myself they’ll be fine

They’re independent, but on the inside

Oh, I can hear them saying

 

Lead me with strong hands

Stand up when I can’t

Don’t leave me hungry for love

Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you’re willing to fight

That I’m still the love of your life

I know we call this our home but I still feel alone

 

So Father, give me the strength

To be everything I’m called to be

Oh Father, show me the way to lead them

Won’t You lead me?

 

To lead them with strong hands

To stand up when they can’t

Don’t want to leave them hungry for love

Chasing things that I could give up
I’ll show them I’m willing to fight

And give them the best of my life

So we can call this our home

 

Lead me ’cause I can’t do this alone
Father, lead me ’cause I can’t do this alone

 

Sarah As A Model

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In the sermon on Sunday (“Marriage, Part Two” — 4/29/2012), one of the statements I made was that the husband is not “lord” of the wife in the way that Jesus is Lord.

Jan Provost's (1465-1529) Painting of Sarah and Abraham

However, this does raise the question: what about 1 Peter 3:6 where it says, “like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham, and called him her master” (NIV 1984).  While the 1984 version of the NIV has “master,” the 2011 NIV as well as the ESV and KJV has “lord” since it is the Greek word kurios.

Peter is making a very interesting allusion here because the only time in Genesis when Sarah calls Abraham “lord” or “master” is Genesis 18:12 where she is told that she and Abraham will have a child in their old age.  Seeing the reference in context helps us to understand that Sarah was using the term as a term of respect.  Sarah was acknowledging that Abraham was the leader in their marriage relationship, just as Paul urges wives to do in Ephesians 5:22-33.

From an article entitled, “Sarah as a Model for Christian Wives,” in Bibliotheca Sacra (a biblical journal) we read,

“Lord” sounds servile to us, but an equally acceptable translation of the Greek word is “sir.”  The point is that she verbally expressed her submission to him in a way that was appropriate in her culture.

Sarah was respecting the authority God had given to her husband and following his leadership.  This attitude of respect for her husband, despite his advanced years, makes Sarah a model for wives’ attitudes toward their husbands today.

Blessings,

Jim

Marriage Accountability Question

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Blog Question

Although we won’t be able to answer every question or reply to every comment, we do hope this blog is a place where we can tackle some questions that arise from sermons or blog posts.

Scott asked, “…one thing that occurred to me after your message to wives yesterday was this:  the notion of husband as “head” also seems to imply “accountable steward.”  If so, this means that not only is each accountable for his/her own actions (husband to sacrifice, love and give; wife to respect and submit as you described); but also husband is ultimately accountable for whether the marriage functions as an effective picture of Christ and the church.  Is this right?” [Full question can be found in the reply section of the April 29 blog post.]

My thought is that you are absolutely right.  In my opinion, the husband bears 75 percent of the responsibility for the marriage relationship.  If the husband loves his wife the way that Christ loved the church, a majority of marriage problems would go away.

However, the reason I say 75 percent (and not 100 percent) is because even in the case of Christ – who loved perfectly and completely – there are still many who resist his love and wander away into sin.  So, too, a husband who loves perfectly may still have a wife who refuses to submit or is unfaithful to him.

Here are some reasons why I believe the husband bears a majority of the responsibility:

  1. If you simply count verses in Ephesians 5:22-33 you end up with 10 verses on Christ/husband and only four verses on church/wives. This is a notable contrast with the following two passages where the “leader” receives less attention then the ”follower.”  In Ephesians 6:1-9, children have three verses and fathers have only one verse; slaves are addressed in three verses and masters are addressed in only one verse.  (Although in 1 Peter 3:1-7 there are six verses addressing wives and only one verse addressing husbands, Peter is talking about a specific situation in which a wife is suffering because her husband is not a believer.)
  2. There is a Bible passage instructing wives on what they should do if their husbands refuse to love them sacrificially (1 Peter 3), but not a comparable passage telling husbands what to do if their wives refuse to submit.  This implies that if a husband will sacrificially love his wife the marriage will usually be in good shape.
  3. The most powerful force in all of existence is sacrificial love (cf. 1 Cor. 13:13) and when God sacrificially loved us it set in motion the entire salvation process. This most powerful force of sacrificial love is assigned to husbands in their leadership role.

For these reasons, when I counsel husbands, I tell them that when the cycle of mutual self-sacrifice in marriage breaks down, as it inevitably will, it is the husband’s job to restart that cycle by sacrificing for his wife.

Additionally, when we talk about the husband being the leader in the marriage relationship, it brings to mind the analogous passage of Hebrews 13:17: “Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account.”  This is not speaking of marriage, but it gives the indication that leaders will have to give an account to God.  I would be hard-pressed to think that God would ask leaders in a church to give an account, but not the leaders in marriages.  Likewise James 3:1 says, “Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.”  Here again is the principle: “to those whom much has been given, much is expected.”

Blessings,

Jim

Biblical Love

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…when the Bible speaks of love, it measures it primarily not by how much you want to receive but by how much you are willing to give of yourself to someone.

- Timothy and Kathy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage

Marriage (Part 2)

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This morning we covered wives’ role in marriage as described by Paul in Ephesians 5.  I was not able to discuss a situation where a woman finds herself in a marriage with a man who is not striving to be a sacrificial, servant-leader.

Following is additional insight into this scenario that I did not have time to cover this morning:


And most important, don’t forget to pray daily for your husband, trusting God to transform his heart and mind.

Jim